June 05, 2010

Sex (Why it hurts not to wait)

There are only two types of people when it comes to sex: those who have and those who haven’t. That’s it. Let’s dispel this myth (or simply admit it is a lie) that there exists this gray area where “stuff” other than genital intercourse does not constitute sexually inappropriate behavior. We all know beyond the shadow of a doubt when we have crossed that God-honoring line (remember Romans 1).
Sex is not a difficult topic to approach; it is simply a difficult topic to talk about because the world and the Church alike have muddied the waters of truth. We have compromised the standard and truth of God with our own rationalized, selfish human nature to the degree where it is difficult for two God-fearing Christians to sit down with Bible in hand and agree on what God has to say about sex. Probably in no other area of life has so much deception so readily permeated the community of believers. Satan truly has mastered the battlefield of the mind when it comes to sex. God has one purpose and place for sex, and that is the marriage bed.
 I grew up hearing about sex and the reasons to avoid it, but I didn’t listen. I am regrettably one of the growing number of Christians today that gave in to little compromises bit by bit until I lost the battle in my own mind and was given over to my desires. I hurt several other people and myself because of my disobedience.
You’ve heard this before, though, so why is what I have to say different? What is the lesson learned? Please pay attention to this.
We need to begin with the beginning again. God made two people for each other. Do you understand the significance of that statement? Made for each other. One made for one. Sex is not a separate issue from the rest of the union of companionship in the Creation narrative; it is an extension of it. It is part of the union, plain and simple. God does not separate issues and talk about union and then turn around and talk about sex. They were never meant to be separated.
Sex outside of this intended union hurts you, the other person, and your spouse. Maybe you do not see the damage right away, but it will always eventually show up as pain. God calls this damage adultery. Adultery is a sin, and He constantly reminds His people in Scripture not to be adulterers in human relationships or in relationship with Him. It is the sin of being unfaithful to that one sacred union that was purposed.
I am not going to talk about the other people involved. While you are responsible for the consequences of your sin, I cannot address the behavior of others in response to that sin. What I can talk about is the pain that you experience after marriage because of premarital sex.
It’s really as simple as this: you remember. Grace is an incredible gift. Forgiveness is a powerful force, but memory is a terrible thing when it comes to sin. There is nothing so vicious as your own mind reminding you of your failures. You know it by the name “shame.” Someone once said that the one person in life that you most resent is yourself, because you are the one person that you can never get away from, and you are the one person that you know everything about!
You have probably experienced that situation in life where you see something or smell something or experience a situation that you once shared with some significant other. When that happens, you are flooded with memories of that person. You don’t ask for it, you don’t want to remember, you just do. Even if you try to replace those thoughts immediately, they have affected you somehow.
Here is where premarital sex becomes a consequence, even if it is not intercourse. You may have a wonderful marriage and a fulfilling marriage bed, and you believe there is no doubt or mistrust in your marriage, but when you begin to remember another person sexually that is not your spouse, you understand the pain of feeling unfaithful to your spouse.
God intended for a perfect union to be blessed with perfect joy in perfect intimacy. Please do not lie to yourself and say that grace will be sufficient for you to protect you from this. Grace is sufficient for salvation and security of the hope we have in Christ, but Paul himself testified that even he experienced emotional, mental, and physical pain in life due to his past despite being the foremost authority at understanding grace. Premarital sex robs you of the perfect joy that comes with that perfect union within marriage.
It is true that respect for others and respect for yourself is an issue. It is true that you will regret it after that person is no longer in your life. It is true that you can contract diseases or have children that you are not willing to support. These are all consequences that can happen, but the main travesty is the irreparable damage to God’s purpose through disobedience. This is the sin of adultery. Do you bear the image of God to your spouse or future spouse the way He intended for you to?

With you for His glory